She’s been gone for a week. My taller than me, gypsy-living, bleach blonde curly-haired baby sister is gone. This is the second time we’ve had to leave each other behind in 4 months and to most that probably doesn’t seem like a long time but for us, it is. The days feel like years but the video chats keep me sane and laughing hysterically.
Is she safe? Is she eating right? Can she make ends meet? Does she have decent people in her life? Is she growing? Is she learning? What’s her next move? Will I ever have nieces or nephews? The questions never stop. This has been my job for 23 years. Worrying to high heaven about the once little girl with buck teeth who always wanted juice over milk but never spoke up for herself so I did it for her. Can we go back please? Not even to those days but just to about May or so?
If there is one thing the hell-hole of the past year brought me, it was my sister. You see, I always had her but I had her in a distant way. I had my life, she had hers. Rarely did we see each other. I know there was a time frame when we barely ever talked. But when the news of her moving came about, little did I know that I would be moving home. Blessing in disguise. Becca and I got to spend crazy amounts of time together before I moved her to Savannah. We laughed alot, cried, shared a room and a bed for awhile, and still managed to get on each other’s nerves. We made up for all the years that we had spent apart and those are some of my favorite memories. Ready for the tear jerker? At one point, she looked at me and said, “I feel like you’ve been missing for the past 4 years.” Hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes, Becca. Yes I was.
Having her home for Christmas was the best gift I could have ever received. Our family has endured obstacles beyond the imagination this past year and truthfully, I don’t think that I could have made it through the holidays without her. Knowing that she was coming home was the only reason I kept it together; believe me, I was about 2 seconds away from losing my shit on many occasions. But that’s neither here nor there. I can’t put into words the overwhelming happiness that I felt when I got home from work and she opened the door on the day that she arrived. The hug lasted forever and the tears would not stop rolling down my face. My heart was home and as happy as I was, I knew in 12 days time she’d be leaving me. Fastest 12 days ever. And there we stood at the departure drop off again—hugging, crying, praying, and still drunk from 2 bottles of Pinot Noir we drank just a few hours prior (I think we were trying to ease the pain of separating). I kissed her goodbye and watched her walk her little drunk self into the airport. When did she become so brave? Where did she learn to be this strong? And furthermore, when was that hangover going to hit her? Mid-flight? Muahaha!
Rebecca Lauren, never forget how beautiful you are. Yeah, your face is alright but your soul, the very depths of your heart are the most beautiful parts of you.
Always wear a white cami underneath a white shirt, you’re welcome.
Please try putting your dresser back together. I spent a good couple hours putting that thing together. The least you could do is try to fix it.
Buttered noodles with sriracha and garlic salt is not conducive to the itsy bottoms that you will wear in a few months. However, they sure are damn good.
When you dance, think of me. I wish I was there breaking it down with you.
Please know that I am okay. I have made it through the darkest of days and I’m still standing. Don’t worry about me, I got this.
If you move home, we are moving in together. I already have everything planned out.
Research your back to school options once you are situated. Hearing “I think I wanna go back to school” was like music to my ears. I am so proud of you. Eye on the prize.
If you are ever lonely, look at the moon. Know that I’m looking at it, too.
Follow your heart fearlessly and trust the timing of your life. You are right where you’re supposed to be, even if that’s states away from me.
I love your lipstick and brow game. Never have I ever seen you do those things and I have to say, I’m impressed. I’d like to think you got that from me… just saying.
We need sister tats. Next time we’re together, we’re doing it.
Wanna know one of the things I look forward to the most? Us having families and raising our kids together. I can see the fun and chaos now. We are going to be awesome moms and aunts one day.
Last but not least, I love you. Don’t you ever forget that I am your biggest fan, confidant, mom when you need one, and most importantly, your comic relief. I want you to have the world, but selfishly, I don’t want the world to have you most of the time. We are only separated temporarily. If you need me, I’ll be there in a second. Even faster if you tell me we’re making the roadtrip back to Michigan. Just kidding… but seriously.
“If there’s ever a time we can’t be together, keep me in your heart.. I’ll stay there forever” –Winnie the Pooh
Just Jena Elizabeth 